It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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