just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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