it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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