Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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