Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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