You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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