He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
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You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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