listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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