So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize