I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize