Can i not drive my cunt home
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
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I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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