Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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