Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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