just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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