I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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