I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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