Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize