Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your penis caused this!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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