There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
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I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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