Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
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too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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