thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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