Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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