i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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