youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Holy shit dude........stairs
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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