Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it because I queefed?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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