I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize