How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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