Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You've changed since you got that strap on
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize