Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize