I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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