worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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