Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize