He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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