I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
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A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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