We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
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I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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