Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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