if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize