Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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