I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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