I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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