it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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