8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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