We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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