And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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