I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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