If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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