Say something about gay babies.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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