very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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