She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize