My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize